It'll Never Happen Again... I promise!

Final installment in the continuing adventures of Clark antagonizing the socialists. For context, be sure to read this post and then this one. After my two prior monologues (one emailed to him, one posted on that socialist blog), he felt like I was un-swayable in my devotion to capitalism and he declined further conversation on the subject. I'm quite disappointed. Here are our closing remarks to one another (Robert's comments in blue are from his last email, my comments were sent to him in response.)

Rbt: I'm a union carpenter

I’m the son of a carpenter and a pretty fair amateur one myself.

Rbt: I'm basically an agnostic

Exactly, an agnostic. Keracher was a dogmatic atheist. There’s a world of difference. And as an agnostic, it would be hard for you to disavow the existence of God as Marxism demands.

Rbt: I've suggested to some of my middle/upper middle/owning class friends to get a part time job as a low wage worker--another form of 'experiment'--since most of them have never worked as such

Sorry that you live around so many people who “have never worked as such”. That’s hard to believe. Personally, I have worked with both my head and my hand all my life. I was raised in the country and have done every kind of farm labor imaginable. If you have never castrated pigs, I suggest you quit your cushy carpenter job and get in touch with the real common man! I’m not sure what the value of “low wage working” is. Why aspire for low wages? As a union worker (in the shi shi Northeast?) you make considerably more than real “low wage” earners. In 2000, union carpenters averaged $20.45 an hour base pay. Nonunion carpenters averaged $13.51. Union drywallers averaged $17.93 an hour in 2000. Nonunion: $12.19. Wages and salaries for union workers average 16% higher than for nonunion workers. Unions brag about how much more their workers make than non-union workers. In light of your “suggestion” it all sounds quite contradictory. Shouldn’t unions brag about paying LOW WAGES as you have suggested? Can you help me understand this??

So Robert, from a class standpoint, I object to you earning well in excess of THREE TIMES MINIMUM WAGE. Will you quit your job and take a “lower wage”? If you do, I’m telling you right now for sure, I will give you $10,000 if you take that job and stay in it for three years. Let’s agree that you will accept no wage higher than the mid-point between your current wage and the current minimum wage. I’ll be glad to place money in the hands of a trustee, contractually guaranteed all nice and neat. What’s $10,000 to me? It represents my entire contribution to my retirement fund this year. Why would I offer such a risk to myself? To prove one thing, that the proletariat only covets what lies ahead of them not what lies behind. Like I’ve said, you sound like a really nice guy and SERIOUSLY, I’m not trying to antagonize you personally. I hope you can believe that. I am just itching to prove a point. Furthermore, to make my intentions known up front, I will write a book about your three-year pilgrimage into real communism and I will split the profits with you 50/50 (after I regain my $10,000 bounty). Doesn’t that sound fair? I think the book would do well, there is a great concern and interest these days about the face and future of Marxism. I think a dialogue between a practicing capitalist (if that’s what I am) and a socialist (if that’s what you really turn out to be) would be a great seller. What a laugh that would be!! Just like the Iran-Contra Affair, you, a Marxist, would gain from a capitalist scheme to profit off your Marxism. What a hoot!

Rbt: One of my buddy's parents are giving him 1/2 mil to start a biz and buy a house(after he gets outta rehab, lol)

That summarizes my point entirely. Marxism begrudges the rich, but you don’t speak of what you’re giving up to house and feed the poor. If you weren’t an agnostic, your conscience would be telling you that class warfare is a wicked game – it has seized your focus. Your eyes are fixed on the game while the baby is crying on the floor next to you. Sorry about that.

And thus ends the Robert Chronicles. Editor's Note: In no way has my family endorsed my extravagant offer to give away $10,000. They are used to a certain level of absurdity from me, but this is clearly testing their limits of how much moxie I am allowed to demonstrate without adult supervision. I'm confident that Robert is no more a socialist than I am when it comes down to how much a person is willing to give up to prove a point. I'll give up (invest) $10,000 for the rights to a book deal that will net me more than ten times that much. It is this kind of capitalist ingenuity that ensures that socialism will only succeed at the point of the sword... or is that a sickle? Stay tuned for a announcement of a book signing near you.